Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I think i got beer on your cat.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
