Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
