If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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