yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
