you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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