Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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