Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
