Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
honey bunches of taint.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
