Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
