you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
