I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
