We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
