I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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