Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
