Pappa wants mamma naked
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize