Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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