My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
