On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
