I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
