I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Randomize