i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
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