i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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