so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
The chlamydia really affected his face.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
