Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
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