4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Do you still have your period?
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize