so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I will pee on everything he values.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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