what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
