the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
It's shark week go big or go home
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
