i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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