Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize