I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
