Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
