so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
