Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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