I'm gonna have a badass scar
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
