Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize