On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
