if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
