I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
