There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
