Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
