That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
