but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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