Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
