JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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