Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
