I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Randomize
