quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
