the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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