We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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