I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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