Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
