I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
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