There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
