mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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