i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
