I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
