Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize