okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize