i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
