He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
