He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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