I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
