ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
