I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
