I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Randomize
