dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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