he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
