she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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