i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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