Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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