the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
