My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
