this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
