I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
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