Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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