put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
