Christians are straight up FREAKS
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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