So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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