I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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