he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Randomize