I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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