dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
