Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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