and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
