oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
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