Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
