I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
this beer tastes like vomit already
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
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