Well apparently he's into motor boating.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
