I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
