if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
