It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Randomize
