can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
