Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
