my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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