I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
i drank out of a bidet.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
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