I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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