I didn't shave. On purpose
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
