I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
