i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
