i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
