i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
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