Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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